it's today again

I don't know why I am having such a hard time getting going? I have been watching other people lose weight. I follow other blogs daily. I am so thrilled at their successes. I love to view thier progress and photos. I truly admire them.
So why don't I think I am good enough to do this? Why am I sitting here, today and for the past year, fatter than I have ever been. I gained 25 pounds since having my daughter last December. I was so proud of myself for gaining only 15 pounds with my third pregnancy. I left the hospital 5 pounds less than what I had started the pregnancy. So how am I now, at my highest weight even during my second pregnancy weight of 269? I weigh 275. I am 25 pounds away from 300 pounds. I am enormous. I am in denial. I don't look in the mirror anymore because I hate to see this person looking back who is not the me I imagine in my own head. I am not living my life the way I should be. There is a ME inside of this enourmous, uncomfortable body. It's not the ME that people know or see right now. I am someone different than this. Why am I having so much trouble being myself again? I don't want to live my life in fear of being this hermit of a person, when I know what I am capable of. I can't keep living like this. I have to do something. Anything. I guess I keep getting so caught up in planning what I am going to do that I am avoiding the actual doing it part. children looking for me, will be back for part 2