yeah right..

I have done well so far today. Tracked and journaled. I don't know why but all I want to do is stuff my face today. Maybe it is because I am so tired. Both girls were up from 1am til 515am and I am exhausted. I counted on good naps today. livy went off to sleep, but as usual chloe is a challenger. 1 hopur later as chloe started drifting off my mfer of a neighbor started playing music loud and woke livy up. She has been crying in her crib for 20 minutes. I don't think she is going to go back to sleep and that is sooo frustarting to me. This is the biggest problem with my weight. I have been comforting myself because I feel so angry, lonely, tired, sad, resentful... I LOVE being a mother. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids dearly. but the past two years have been overwhelmingly challenging. I haven't slept a full night since July 03. By full night I mean more than 3 hours staright in a row. I am soo exhausted. Chloe was sick her whole first year of life. She was severely allergic to milk and it took the doctors six months to figure it out. Six months of NO sleep, crying wailing unhappy baby. Six monhs of 3 doctors appoinments a week, working(brought baby to work with me), and no time for me. nevermind any time, no sleep. My husband would work from 5 am until 10 or 11 pm.(still does)I have no family whatsoever so I never had a minute to myself. I think I just decided that eating was my oinly friend. Food made me feel so much better. It helped me when I was tired, unhappy, lonely, overwhelmed, angry, worried, and basically numbed any feeling I had. Once Chloe got a diagnosis of sever food allergies, she got a bit better. She still doesn't sleep, still a little devil (but she is so darn cute that you can't ever stay mad at her). But cause Chlo had been so sick, I got sick (from worry, exhaustion, not eating healthy) and had to be on antibiotics. Well ding dang it I fell pregnant. In December I had livy. be back Livy still crying, no chance of resleep. fuuuhhhhccccckkkk